GDC Session #8, Sample Handout #2

An 8-Step Approach for Managing Feelings in Recovery

Following are eight steps you can take to help you understand and manage your feelings to reduce your chances of using cocaine or other substances. You can use these steps regardless of the specific feeling that you are dealing with.

Don’t deny your feelings because doing so can cause you difficulty in the long run. Even if you feel what you believe is a negative or bad feeling, remember that it is simply an honest feeling. Feeling an emotion doesn’t mean you have to act on it.

You can also look for patterns in regard to your feelings. Do you tend to experience certain feelings much more frequently than others? For example, are you prone to feeling anxious and worried when you are faced with a difficult task in which others put demands on you? Are you prone to feeling sad and depressed after receiving criticism from others? Are you prone to feeling angry whenever you don’t get your way with others?

Pay attention to how your feelings are reflected in your body language, physical changes, thoughts, and behavior. These are clues you can use to become more aware of your feelings.

For example, pacing and feeling "keyed up" or "tight" may indicate that one person is angry. For another person, this behavior may indicate feeling worried. A person may be prone to headaches or other physical complaints when upset and angry. These or other physical cues may be signs that something is going on that needs your attention.

When feeling upset, rejected, or frustrated, one person may be prone to going on mini-shopping sprees. Another may turn to food and eat too much or turn to cocaine. Another person may withdraw and avoid other people when he or she is upset. The ways in which feelings are expressed through behavior are endless. Your behaviors can also tell you something important about your feelings.

Feelings aren’t usually caused by other people or events, but by how you think about them. Your beliefs about feelings play a big role in how you deal with them. For example, if you believe anger is bad and should not be expressed, you are likely to deny angry feelings or keep them to yourself.

To understand why you feel the way you do, look at the connections among what you believe or think, how you feel, and how you act. Any of these components can affect another.

How is your physical or mental health affected by your feelings? How is your behavior, relationships with others, or self-esteem affected? If your emotions or the ways in which you cope with them cause you distress or problems in your relationships with others, you need to work on changing how you deal with the feelings.

You need to consider how your emotional states and your related behavior affect others as well as your-self. For example, if you are depressed or angry, how does this affect your family? If you get irritated and snap at others when you are depressed, how does this affect them?

Your emotions and the way in which you cope with them may have many positive effects. Most likely, some feelings have, more or less, a positive effect on your life, and some have more of a negative effect on your life. If a feeling or how you deal with it causes problems for you, this is a signal that you should consider making some type of change.

Continue to use old coping methods if they are effective. However, you can learn new coping methods, if needed. There is no right way to cope with your feelings. How you cope depends on the specific situation at hand. Having a variety of coping strategies puts you in a good position to effectively deal with your feelings without using cocaine or other drugs.

Practicing the way in which you might deal with a feeling, especially when another person is involved, can make you feel more prepared and confident about what you will say. Learning to express feelings appropriately is a skill that has to be learned and practiced just like any other skill does. Sometimes you can practice by yourself by thinking of different things that you can say in certain situations. You can even practice how you might deal with your feelings toward another person in a given situation by rehearsing what you could say out loud.

You also can practice with another person. For example, if you feel very attracted to a person with whom you work and want to ask this person out on a date but feel uncomfortable doing so, you can practice with a friend or family member. If you are upset and angry with a family member, work with your therapist to practice different ways of sharing your feelings directly.

You can come up with a plan to deal with feelings, but if you don’t put your plan into action, it does you little good. Action is needed for change. You have to translate your desire or need to change into your actual behavior. Don't worry about making a mistake as this is to be expected when you first change how you cope with your feelings.

All strategies will not work the same in all situations. The key is having several coping strategies to rely on so that you don’t use the same strategy all of the time. Even if a coping strategy works well in one situation, it may not work in another. Make sure you have several strategies to help you cope with your feelings.